Jokes on me!

Night before last while writing yesterdays blog: Anger is Life’s April Fools Joke, I discovered that I had  lost about 30 minutes of work.  Yes, the joke was  on me. I watched myself heat up, want to blame the computer, “need to get a   fricken Mac” I told myself.  Leslie noticed my frustration and asked; “Is something not going the way you want with your new blog”  We both looked at the title and subject that I was writing about- there was nothing  to do but laugh, hysterically.

For me, I’ve learned that I teach most effectively what I’ve had the most difficulty learning. So I decided to take my own advice and to ask myself the question; “What need of mine was not being met that lies below the anger?” I discovered that my need was simply to keep safe and not lose what I felt was valuable to me.”   I also saw that my need  was to now accept what was so and not argue with reality. As soon as I saw what valid needs of mine weren’t being meet, I felt a compassion opening in my heart and a complete acceptance of my small loss.  Anger and blame come from the ego mind. Focusing on needs opens our heart and brings us closer to Essence, as it did with me.

When was the last time that felt angry? What was your initial reaction to that boiling sensation rising from within you ready to explode? What needs were not being met lying below the anger?

Did You Know ….?

There are many myths surrounding anger and how to manage it. Here is the top three:

Myth #1 - “Letting it all out at the person who made you angry makes you feel better.” Wrong. This can actually make you angrier and it’s not the same as releasing the emotional energy. When you unload your anger on another person by yelling or blaming you are really trying to get them to take responsibility for your anger. Anger goes when you feel it fully, look within yourself for the root cause and then release it. It is then and only then, that you can effectively talk to the offending person about a problem YOU have with their actions.

Click “Read the rest of this entry” at the bottom for more anger myths busted.

If you want to explore this more, join us next Tuesday the 7th at 7:PM at our free monthly Essence Circle. This months circle will be held at The Body Awareness Studio at 5549 Roswell Road. The focus of this month’s Essence Circle will be a discussion of the angry person inside of all of us. You will learn a simple way of quickly transforming anger into compassion and we’ll talk about how do we stay present in our daily quest to move from ego to Essence.

Next time you feel angry and want to blame, ask yourself the question; “What need of mine is not being meet in this situation?” Try it and let me know what you discover.

Until we meet again, In Wholeness,

Michael

Myth #2 - “Anger makes you strong.” Wrong again. Anger and fear are both processed by lower brain functions. When you are angry your I.Q. can drop as much as 20 to 40 points! Anger can take over and cause you to react in ways you would never have thought possible. The Gottman Institute, famous for its couples work, provides clients prone to heated arguments with a special watch that monitors heart rate. If the heart rate rises above 95 bpm, during a disagreement, the watch makes a sound indicating that rational communication is diminished and are asked to cool down before continuing.

Myth #3 - “Talking about your anger towards someone else makes it go away.” No, it doesn’t. It reinforces it and makes it stronger. Looking at why YOU are reacting to someone else and understanding what is going on inside of you can help release anger. But it can only be released when you understand that anger is caused by internal and not external factors.