In  Sanskrit it’s TAT TVAM ASI. In other words….EVERY sub personality that is in any of us IS there in ALL of us. Hmmmm…

More  Shadow talk:

The shadow includes all of the positive and negative repressed or disowned aspects of us-our inner demons and inner divinities. If we don’t integrate these aspects within ourselves we project them on to others and the world and live in kind of a trance. Shadow work is about Trance-Endence.

Three Truths about the Shadow:

1.  EVERY sub personality that is in any of us IS there in ALL of us. In Sanskrit it’s “TAT TVAM ASI” which translates   to: Thou Art That. In other words, within each of us is a potential saint & sinner, hero & villein, winner & loser, honest & dishonest and yes, even savior & murderer.Mother Teresa was once asked why she dedicates so much of her life to doing good in the world. Her relpy was:” Because I know that I have Hitler inside me also.” She understood the shadow. It’s not that any of us would choose these destructive actions, it’s more about owning the potential within us. “But for the grace of god there go I.”

2.   A Shadow repression-projection matrix exists within each of us. Every quality, weather we perceive it as good or bad, that we do not own and accept as a potential within ourselves, we project on to others and the world and believe what we are seeing through this filter is true. THIS IS THE TRANCE THAT MANY OF US LIVE.

3.   We repress or suppress certain parts of ourselves for a seemingly good reason-We don’t like them or feel somehow more vulnerable or less well received by others if we have or display them. Example: Let’s say that I believe that it’s not right to be angry. I was taught that it was not good to angry. Then what I do is disown or repress my feelings of anger. When a part of us is disowned it doesn’t really disappear it just goes underground and comes out in covert operations. “I get really angry at people who get angry. I mean it infuriates me, damn it!
Top 10 reasons to embrace your Shadow
1.    Being in the present moment
2.    Quiet mind, open heart and relaxed body
3.    Increased emotional intelligence
4.    More connected with others and Life
5.    Less judgmental of others
6.    Less seduced by others
7.    Self acceptance
8.    Strengthen and deepen relationships
9.    Others feel relaxed around you
10. Trance-End your ego

Until we meet again,

In Wholeness, Michael

Be sure to check out the Embrace Your Shadow site. The link is located to your right. See it?

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Earlier today I was writing a piece for the “Poisons to Essence ” chapter of  the Ego to Essence-Steps to Radical Wholeness book and I thought I’d do a series of blogs on the Shadow and the importance of shadow work. First, what are the four poisons that keep is in negative ego rather than Essence? Unintegrated Anger, fear (which includes jealousy and other limiting emotions), obligation and the shadow, I believe are the bad boys. The biggest and baddest is an unrecognized shadow.

One of my favorite examples from my own life took place several years ago before I did and anger or shadow work. I was in the Chic-Fil-A wearing my very cool as a cucumber “Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff-It’s all small stuff” sweatshirt.  Must have forgotten that I was wearing it because I got angry with the clerk for being slow and started to lecture her on how to perform the details of her job more efficiently.  A guy next me interrupted me when he said, “Nice sweatshirt.” What was going on here??? Well…I was running late for a meeting because of my own incompetence. My father just informed me that even though I was the first born son, if something happened to him he has asked my sister too handle the very small estate because she is more “settled in life” than me. Can you see it? I was projecting my un-embraced feelings of incompetence out there on the clerk.

So what exactly is this thing called THE SHADOW?

The shadow is an aspect of ourselves that we have repressed or disowned. Making friends with, and learning to embrace your shadow-self is the most effective way to bring about positive changes in our lives.  These changes include more peace, freedom, wholeness, self-acceptance, and less conflict and judgment of others.

Recent research conducted by the Ken Wilber’s Integral Institute, found that a regular meditation practice combined with Shadow Work facilitated by a therapist provided the greatest increase in both spiritual growth and emotional intelligence.

The shadow includes all of the positive and negative, repressed or disowned aspects of our personality and character. If we don’t integrate these aspects within ourselves we project them on to others and the world and live in kind of a trance. Shadow Work is about something I call Trance-endence!

Debbie Ford, author of The Dark Side of the Light Chasers illustrates it this way:  “We come into the world as a psychological/ spiritual castle with dozens of rooms with unlimited potential. Through the process of socializing by well meaning parents and teachers, we close one room after another believing that this room is ‘bad’ or that we are not good enough for that room. Soon, we are living in a tiny, two-bedroom house that is best described as a fixer-upper.”

Visit the blog often for more about the Shadow over the next two weeks.

Until we meet again,

In Wholeness,

Michael

I couldn’t understand why my Life Mate, Leslie didn’t seem to particularly value some of  profound psychological and spiritual insights.  What’s up with her anyway?

I now know that on the occasions that my insights weren’t particularly valued,  I was in one of my favorite” Primary Selves-The Psychological Knower” and not in my essence. All primary selves are are attempts to hide, gain or prove something. Today I can recognize when I’m in one of my Primary Selves and can consciously choose to  step out of It into Essence. Leslie is glad about this.

What are Primary Selves and what is Voice Dialogue?

Voice Dialogue is a communication tool created by Hal and Sidra Stone and used by many counselors and psychotherapists to accomplish a wide variety of personal growth results. In Voice Dialogue, issues are distilled down to the parts or sub-personalities that are operating (or not operating) in your life or relationships. Sessions include dialoguing with sub-personalities one at a time from the position in the room where the part feels most comfortable. The result is a clear and profound connection to the part and its purpose and perfection. By listening to sub-personalities one at a time the strength of their role becomes clear and we become able to use them optimally and without resistance.

Understanding which sub-personalities are dominant or underdeveloped within you creates powerful answers to the difficult question of what is really creating your life and relationships to be the way they are. Relationships can be understood from the perspective of how you are likely to attract a person with sub-personalities that correspond to the sub-personalities that are operating within you. To examine this, Voice Dialogue first looks at an individual as being composed of primary selves and disowned selves.

Primary selves are those we developed for the purpose of protecting our vulnerable inner child. This is a normal part of development: as we grow we develop ways of accomplishing success to increase our feelings of security in the world. We may get our sense of security by being responsible and working hard, by being nurturing and caring for others, or even by getting out of the way and learning not to need in order to avoid feeling like a burden. As we grow, these become primary selves, meaning they would be our primary way of being and expressing ourselves. They are also formed by our conforming to, or rebelling from, our parents’ and society’s primary selves. They become our inner value system and we view the world through their prejudices. One problem with this is that when one way of being becomes primary or favored, we create a resistance to the energies that are its opposite. This is what a disowned self is: the energies that are the opposite of the primary selves. They are the energies that you had to suppress to accomplish your primary way of being. So, if you were primarily responsible you would fear and disown your irresponsible side and disown the qualities that go with it, like rest, leisure, selfishness, stupidity, or laziness. If you were primarily nurturing you would probably disown your uncaring side and the qualities of selfishness, greed, thoughtlessness, or meanness. If you were primarily withdrawn so as to not be a burden you would disown issues having to do with needing, asking for what you want, being expressive or visible. To read the rest of this  article click the link a under my name below.

Until we meet again, In Wholeness,

Michael Read the rest of this entry

She felt the anger rising within her as she stood in line at the post office earlier in the day to mail an important package to her granddaughter. The agents were slow and the line seemed to be getting longer as she went back and forth between attempting calming breathing techniques  and  wanting to scream. Add to that her disappointment over cancelled Easter Plans with her daughter and granddaughter, she decided to join us in the Essence Circle for some help managing the anger.

As I Reflect on the Essence Circle, what’s most present to me is healing power of  a group of consciousness  seeking people coming together to heal, grow and become more whole.  Within this small group, the participant mentioned above saw that her anger and disappointment towards her daughter, her experience at the post office and more were all connected to an unhealed wound from an unmet need of her own from many years ago. What’s more,  another mother in the group, who could also identify with the daughter’s perspective, offered an insightful solution that everyone knew was on the mark. Tears were shed and hugs of gratitude and understanding were had. It was an unexpected transformational moment. The same woman who a few minutes earlier shared her anger and disappointment now surrendered to the paradigm shift commenting ” Thank you, this is why I came” to the participant offering the insight.

The topic was “Transforming Anger into Strength and Compassion” We examined how  almost all anger  experienced in the present is caused  by an unhealed past and not about the situation that we think that we’re  angry about. What’s more the anger is always about a need of ours not being meet, either now or in the past. Each person who attended got a chance to experience how this is true in their own lives.

The topic of next month’s Essence Circle is: The Transformational Wisdom of the Enneagram. Maybe you’ll join us.

Until we meet again, In Wholeness,

Michael

Jokes on me!

Night before last while writing yesterdays blog: Anger is Life’s April Fools Joke, I discovered that I had  lost about 30 minutes of work.  Yes, the joke was  on me. I watched myself heat up, want to blame the computer, “need to get a   fricken Mac” I told myself.  Leslie noticed my frustration and asked; “Is something not going the way you want with your new blog”  We both looked at the title and subject that I was writing about- there was nothing  to do but laugh, hysterically.

For me, I’ve learned that I teach most effectively what I’ve had the most difficulty learning. So I decided to take my own advice and to ask myself the question; “What need of mine was not being met that lies below the anger?” I discovered that my need was simply to keep safe and not lose what I felt was valuable to me.”   I also saw that my need  was to now accept what was so and not argue with reality. As soon as I saw what valid needs of mine weren’t being meet, I felt a compassion opening in my heart and a complete acceptance of my small loss.  Anger and blame come from the ego mind. Focusing on needs opens our heart and brings us closer to Essence, as it did with me.

When was the last time that felt angry? What was your initial reaction to that boiling sensation rising from within you ready to explode? What needs were not being met lying below the anger?

Did You Know ….?

There are many myths surrounding anger and how to manage it. Here is the top three:

Myth #1 - “Letting it all out at the person who made you angry makes you feel better.” Wrong. This can actually make you angrier and it’s not the same as releasing the emotional energy. When you unload your anger on another person by yelling or blaming you are really trying to get them to take responsibility for your anger. Anger goes when you feel it fully, look within yourself for the root cause and then release it. It is then and only then, that you can effectively talk to the offending person about a problem YOU have with their actions.

Click “Read the rest of this entry” at the bottom for more anger myths busted.

If you want to explore this more, join us next Tuesday the 7th at 7:PM at our free monthly Essence Circle. This months circle will be held at The Body Awareness Studio at 5549 Roswell Road. The focus of this month’s Essence Circle will be a discussion of the angry person inside of all of us. You will learn a simple way of quickly transforming anger into compassion and we’ll talk about how do we stay present in our daily quest to move from ego to Essence.

Next time you feel angry and want to blame, ask yourself the question; “What need of mine is not being meet in this situation?” Try it and let me know what you discover.

Until we meet again, In Wholeness,

Michael

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